Someone recently asked a popular online forum, “Women trying to date: What are your thoughts(or flags) if someone says they don’t drink alcohol at all?” As someone who values recovery, I found it odd that the word “flags” was attached to NOT drinking alcohol. So I thought I’d share the top responses for you sober rock stars.
1. Don’t Need To Make Excuses
One woman exclaimed, “I think yay! I won’t have to make excuses about why I’m not drinking. People can react so bizarrely to hearing you’re not going to voluntarily make yourself more vulnerable and manipulatable, leaving you feeling like garbage the next day.
There are so many reasons why people don’t drink. For example, I have a reflux disorder that makes me vomit if I have a couple of glasses of wine. So I don’t because I don’t think it’s worth it. My only flag would be if they also said I wasn’t allowed to drink, even though I don’t. I don’t take kindly to people trying to control me.”
2. Can I Still Drink?
On that note, another asked, “Are they going to have a problem if I have a drink occasionally or we go to a party? How would they feel about being asked to be a designated driver once or twice a year?
If they’re not going to be judgy jerkface about people who drink responsibly, then it’s not an issue. If they’re going to be a jerk, that’s the problem, not their opinion on drinking.”
3. There Are Various Reasons People Don’t Drink
“That is not a red flag for me,” shared one. “They could be doing it for various reasons: religious, health, or personal preference. Now if the reasons behind it are something like they’re an alcoholic and constantly battling to keep their sobriety, then I’m probably not a compatible partner for them.
I homebrew and make wine and ferment/distill other alcohols. I bartend on occasion. I have a healthy and intentional relationship with alcohol. But I would be a challenge to their sobriety.”
4. It Depends On Their Attitude
Another woman confessed, “I dated a guy who was so self-righteous about his not-drinking that I could barely take him anywhere. So like, fine, don’t drink – but don’t lecture my family at dinner! It depends entirely on their behavior on the subject, not on the decision itself regarding alcohol.”
5. I Wish I Found These People
“I wish I found people like that,” one asked, “Do you know how many friends and dates have ghosted me because I don’t like to party?” Another admitted, “Same here. I have gone back and forth listing it on my profile, but in the end chose to include it because my not drinking is a deal breaker for some people, and I don’t want to waste my time.”
6. Two Thoughts
One woman explained her two thought process. Thought one: Great! Me neither! Thought two: What are your reasons?” A second agreed and added, “Yup! And thought number two determines the flag colors. If it’s because they’re Mormon or practice any high-demand religion, it’s a red flag for me no matter how laid back they are.”
7. Not My Thing
“I respect people’s decisions, but I wouldn’t personally mesh well with someone who doesn’t drink. I’m all about having a few beers on a summer afternoon,” one suggested. Several people noted that just because someone doesn’t drink doesn’t mean they have an issue around drinkers.
However, they argued, “Yeah, but it’s an actual activity, and it’s nicer when someone is a participant versus being a spectator. Not condemning a non-drinker. Just a different vibe.”
8. How Do They Feel About Others Drinking?
“I think it depends on their feelings about mine and others’ drinking,” one explained. “I like to go out with friends regularly, and we hang out at bars. Not everyone gets an alcoholic beverage while out, but we have alcohol.
I have a stocked liquor cabinet at home as I like to host cocktail parties. I want to be with someone who would enjoy these events. Of course, they don’t need to drink alcohol, but I want them to be a part of the group.”
9. It’s Not a Red Flag
One woman admitted, “I don’t find this to be a red flag at all, even if they are a recovering alcoholic or came close to alcoholic tendencies and felt it was wise to go sober.
I would not feel turned off. On the contrary, if their dedication to sobriety were evident and long-term, it would be a positive sign that they carry a level of personal responsibility. I would be 100% supportive of that.”
Popular Reading: 15 Big Things Men Will Never Understand About Women
10. I Prefer It
Finally, many women in the thread agreed with the statement, “I’d prefer it. I’m sober.” Hell YEAH! That is a remarkable achievement and the most important one in your life. You’re freaking rad.
We hope you enjoyed these Redditor insights on how some women think about dating someone who doesn’t drink alcohol. This article is inspired by the internet and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Sober Healing.
More From Sober Healing
- 10 Significant Things I Learned About Life in Active Heroin Addiction
- 10 Mental Health Tips People Believed Were Trash but Actually Helped
- 10 of the Stupidest Myths People Spread as Truth Today
Featured Image Credit: Dean Drobot From Canva.com.
Elizabeth Ervin is the owner of Sober Healing. She is a freelance writer passionate about opioid recovery and has celebrated breaking free since 09-27-2013. She advocates for mental health awareness and encourages others to embrace healing, recovery, and spirituality.