As someone who has made several mistakes in the love and healthy relationships department, an online discussion about it piqued my interest. Someone asked an online women’s community what the biggest mistakes people make when choosing a partner are. Here are their honest confessions.
1. Thinking Love Is Enough
According to countless women in the forum, love is not always enough. So it’s a mistake believing otherwise. ” It can only get you so far if you’re not compatible,” writes one.
2. Thinking They Will Change
If you’re going into a relationship thinking you can fix something in a partner or that they will change, think again. Many women suggest it only leads to resentment. It also leads to heartache and disappointment.
3. Overlooking Parental Abilities
Numerous members agree with one woman, stating: “Forgetting their life partner is going to be a parent too. Some men make good husbands but bad fathers.” Marry the man you would be happy to raise your children.
4. Committing Too Young
On a relatable note, making that decision when you are barely an adult is terrible. While some people successfully marry their high school or college sweethearts and live happily ever after, that’s not the norm. You have to have time to grow. Getting married before I could have a legal drink was one of my dumbest life decisions. Thankfully, we didn’t have kids when we split.
5. Getting Wrapped up in Infactaution
The beginning stages of relationships are fun and filled with fresh, fun, and exciting moments. However, you don’t know a person in a short time. Moreover, in the initial stages, typically, people are on their best behavior to make a good impression. It’s not uncommon for people to wear masks.
6. Focusing On Thrilling Relationships
“Focusing on thrilling relationships instead of supportive, stable, and kind ones,” a user elaborates. “Toxic relationships often feel intense and sometimes good, especially at first. You end up putting up with a lot of pain in hopes that the good times will come back, but they never come back long-term. Kinda like how drinking feels good when you’re 21, but it messes you up long term.”
7. Settling for Bare Minimum
Unfortunately, many women who have been in toxic and abusive relationships settle for the first person who shows them the absolute bare minimum of human decency. It’s a low bar, as one woman explains: “He’s not abusive, he’s so great!”
8. Not Trusting Gut Instinct
If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck. You know when something is off in a relationship, but so many people ignore their gut instincts. I’ll never forget my father stating: “You don’t need to wait for evidence when you know something isn’t right.” It only invites more lies, pain, and a waste of your time.
9. Focusing on the Wrong Things
Several women cosign to one who says: “Focusing on convenient sex, looks, wealth, making older relatives happy, and choosing those with outwardly charming or fun personalities rather than compatible lifestyles and mutual ambitions.”
10. Hiding Your True Self
Hiding your true self to be compatible with someone will never work out. A user clarifies: “This is why the advice ‘be yourself’ exists. You want people to reject you if you’re incompatible with them for whatever reason.”
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Elizabeth Ervin is the owner of Sober Healing. She is a freelance writer passionate about opioid recovery and has celebrated breaking free since 09-27-2013. She advocates for mental health awareness and encourages others to embrace healing, recovery, and spirituality.