Recently, an online forum discussed the top things that are ruining relationships today. Here are their top-voted confessions. Are you guilty of any of these contributing factors?
1. Mistaking the Honeymoon Stage Feelings as Love
Thinking that you are supposed to always feel that intense feeling at the beginning of a relationship, and when it subsides, you’re not in love anymore, is a common fallacy that ends many relationships.
I appreciate an analogy in the forum: “I refer to that as the new car smell. You’re excited to take it out for a drive. You show it off and tell all your friends about it. Eventually, that wears off, and you need to do oil changes.
There will be dents and scratches you start noticing, the check engine light turns on, and you need essential maintenance to keep the car running. Some people don’t want to put that work in, so they decide they can get a new car.”
2. Lack of Consideration for Others
Have you noticed that self-care is often used to justify selfishness today? According to many in the forum — it is. One elaborates: “I’ve seen a massive shift in the mentality where, yes, people should care for themselves and self-care is important.
However, it doesn’t take much to be considerate of others’ feelings. There’s a line between what some people classify as self-care and selfishness.”
3. Lack of Effective Communication
Effective communication is critical for maintaining healthy relationships in all forms. However, many relationships don’t demonstrate this, and it shows. A forum member emphasizes: “Some people think being disrespectful, condescending, mean, and defensive is healthy communication.” It’s not and is responsible for many failing relationships today.
4. The Daily Grind
The constant grind of daily life is destroying relationships that could have been good. Finances are the single major stressor in relationships. Many members agree that working ten- and twelve-hour days to make ends meet is a massive breakdown in their relationships. Throw in commutes and opposite schedules, and it’s like you are destined to fail.
5. Projecting Baggage
“People are not seeing or seeking to understand how their childhood impacts on their relationship patterns, and how prone we are as human beings to replicate past situations, especially unresolved ones,” one writes.
“So we project a lot of our baggage onto our partner, then get frustrated when they don’t resolve it for us. It helps so much to be aware of when and why you’re doing this so you can choose to do it differently.”
6. Social Media
Social media is destroying romantic relationships and friendships every day. They say, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” So, comparing your life against the highlight reels of others, it’s that much more challenging to maintain happy and healthy relationships.
7. Unwilling to Put In Work
Have you heard the saying, “Relationships are hard work?” It’s true; many forum members believe people have given up on doing the work. From commitment issues to overcoming obstacles, not doing the work is a significant factor in many failed relationships.
8. Casual Relationships
Have you ever considered that rampant casual relationships are ruining finding real ones? Several forum members acknowledge “hook-up culture” as a destructive force in finding real people and forming bonds.
9. Shiny Toy Syndrome
Before you come for me in the comments, I understand that people are not toys. Nevertheless, some act as such. A user suggests: “The enormous supply of human bodies online. Everything looks better and brighter than what you have in your hands.” This can also manifest as “Grass is greener syndrome.”
10. Lack of Respect for One Another
Another explains: “Respect is the underlying ground upon which the foundation of the relationship is built. The erosion of that respect will eventually cause enough instability to buckle and destroy the foundation, no matter how strong you think it is.”
11. Lack of Humility
A lack of humility is a massive contributor to failing relationships. Someone clarifies that people don’t talk about it often enough. “So much toxic pigheadedness gets passed off these days as self-care or whatever. People who refuse to admit that they’re wrong or that they have insane standards.”
12. Mental Illness and Unresolved Intergenerational Trauma
Numerous people agree that mental illness is a factor in ruining relationships. Managed and unmanaged conditions are stressful in their own ways. One suggests: “Partners with mental illness that aren’t in check can traumatize relationships.”
Several users admit to being in relationships with people who do take their meds and go to therapy. Nonetheless, it’s not a cure, and issues still arise in their relationships.
13. Lack of Substance
No substance in relationships is another cause for failure today. “People get together based on attraction and a lot of flirting. Eventually, once that fades, people realize they don’t even like each other, get along, or have any connection or things in common.”
14. Adult Film Addiction
An unfortunate number of people have an unhealthy addiction to watching adult films and entertaining places like exotic dance clubs. This is a massive detriment to maintaining happy, honest relationships.
15. Cheating
Sadly, a significant number of relationships are ruined today because of infidelity. Cheating has become more commonplace, including entertaining unhealthy online relationships and scrolling dating apps.
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Elizabeth Ervin is the owner of Sober Healing. She is a freelance writer passionate about opioid recovery and has celebrated breaking free since 09-27-2013. She advocates for mental health awareness and encourages others to embrace healing, recovery, and Jesus.