What is something that tells you that a man is safe to be around? A recent online women’s forum discussion suggests these are the best tall tell signs. Do you agree?
1. When You Respect Their “NOs”
“If he asks you if you wanna do something (go get coffee, hang out at a bookstore, go on a date, etc.) and you give a ‘NO,’ and he just says ‘OK, cool. maybe next time!” And doesn’t try and whine or beg you to change your mind. In other words, he can feel disappointment and still respect your no.”
2. How You Treat Other Women
“How he treats other women, from the waitress to the homeless woman on the street to the CEO. Is he respectful to them? Does he speak respectfully about them? Or is he cracking sex jokes and scrutinizing their appearances?”
3. When You’re Attentive in Sketchy Situations
“Many of my good male friends are respectful and attentive when things get sketchy. I was at a bar with some friends when this guy randomly made an extremely inappropriate pass on one of our friends.
The guys immediately intervened, confronted the guy, removed the girl from the situation, and began to ask if she was okay. Essentially— they understand how women operate and act upon the girl code, even when they’re with their boys.”
4. When You Have Many Female Friends
“Many female friends is usually a good sign. This was one of the biggest green flags when I started dating my now-husband. Lots of female friends that he had never tried to date.”
5. When You Ask How to Make Us Feel Safe
“Asking what he can do to make me feel safe around him. Ask about my boundaries and how you can respect them. There’s a good chance that any woman you know has at least one story where a man harmed her in some way and more stories about men she didn’t feel safe around. Just ask what they need.”
6. Not Laughing at Sexism and Misogyny
“Not laughing at sexist and misogynistic ‘jokes’ when all the other guys are. Not finding that kind of thing funny and not using the approval of the other idiots as a defense.”
7. Respecting Boundaries
“You can trust them not to cross or violate any physical or sexual boundaries. It’s not even a thought, worry, concern, fear, or on your radar when you’re around them, even if you’re alone or they’re close to your personal space bubble, because you feel safe and know that they’ll never do anything to violate you or harm you.”
8. How You Treat Animals and Children
“How he acts around children and animals. It’s really a measure for anybody, but still. It’s not a hard rule or anything, as there can be many reasons for animals not to like someone, but they can pick up and react to body language cues that we can’t.
If your pet is normally friendly to everyone they meet and is suddenly wary of and aggressive to a new person, it can be a sign that person has bad intentions, and your pet is reacting defensively.”
9. How You Treat the Public
Numerous individuals agree with one who states: “He always treats staff at restaurants, stores, hotels well, always tips even when its take out or something like that.”
10. If You Give Us Personal Space
“In some ways, it’s just a feeling, but the best way I can describe it is when a man feels safe to be around; it’s usually because I’ve noticed he doesn’t invade my personal space. He stands at a normal distance, doesn’t try to look menacing or eager, doesn’t touch my lower back or shoulder, stands at a normal social distance, and talks to me as a person. When a guy seems to be ‘accidentally’ in my personal space often, I tend to be wary.”
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Elizabeth Ervin is the owner of Sober Healing. She is a freelance writer passionate about opioid recovery and has celebrated breaking free since 09-27-2013. She advocates for mental health awareness and encourages others to embrace healing, recovery, and Jesus.