Are you guilty of ignoring red flags in the name of “love?” You’re not alone. After someone polled a women’s forum requesting examples, here are the bright red flags they warn about.
1. When They Never Apologize
The biggest red flag is when a man never apologizes and is always on the defense. However, one man admits he had this issue, and after a few years of marriage, he and his wife discussed it. So he actively attempted to overcome it and, most importantly, has experienced success.
2. When They Lack Communication
Lack of communication. A relationship can only work if you communicate your wants, needs, goals, and boundaries. One woman admits it’s impossible to have a healthy relationship when someone shuts down, changes subjects, and dodges conversations that need to happen.
Another explained being with someone like this and trying so hard to solve their “communication problems.” She eventually discovered he had been lying to her about many things. “It was never that he wasn’t a good communicator — that was the excuse to hide the lies.”
3. When They Bring Mommy on Your Date
A woman who clarifies being in her fifties explains showing up for a date after conversing with a man through a dating app for a while. When she arrived, he approached her and said he already had a table with his mother! She states, “Like that red flag could be seen in several alternative dimensions, blocked him (and technically her) on everything immediately.”
4. When They Always Need to Be Right
As several users note, this isn’t a man thing. It’s an everyone thing. However, the meat of the conversation discusses men needing to be right to the point of deleting messages instead of owning up to sharing misinformation or being wrong.
5. When They Are Inept at Household Responsibilities
Another woman says, “Being totally inept when it comes to household management: cooking, cleaning, bills, and laundry.” She elaborates on moving in with a man who fully expected her to be some 1950s housewife and was helpless to do anything to care of himself or the home. “Men: This is not the 1950s. Household chores are not “women’s work,” and you are expected to do your share.
6. When They Disrespect Boundaries
Pushing or neglecting boundaries is an enormous red flag that people should refuse to tolerate. “If they don’t care to respect the silly ones, they’re certainly going to waltz across the serious ones.”
7. When They Demonstrate Ignorant Arrogance
Ignorant arrogance is a huge turn-off regardless of gender and is prevalent today. While some people said the statement was too broad, others argue it’s called narcissism.
“The only thing more dangerous than ignorance is arrogance.” — Albert Einstein.
8. When They Show Signs of Stalking
OK. This user admits that a coworker’s boyfriend honestly sat in the parking lot outside the door, watching her entire shift. I agree with one who said, “That’s not a red flag. That’s stalking. That’s what the red flags are supposed to warn you about.”
9. When All Their Exes Are “Crazy”
If a man says all of their exes are crazy, the reality is they are likely a problem and unable to see their faults. Moreover, to work on them. Nevertheless, one man suggests he never talks about his exes because the last four were legitimately “crazy.”
10. When They Have an Out-of-Control Temper
“Easily lost patience and out of control temper over minor things.” Numerous women share terrible examples of men losing it. One says after a phone argument with family, their ex picked up a framed picture and slammed it into the ground, shattering glass everywhere. Another dated an angry driver who punched a door after a phone call about schedule changes from his employer. Those are MASSIVE red flags.
11. When They Are Cruel to Animals
Numerous people believe that this red flag transcends relationships. For example, one expresses, “If anybody you know is cruel to animals, you should RUN.” Another woman explains it’s also a red flag when a man attempts to train and discipline your pets without asking you in your home.
12. When They Are a Deadbeat Dad
Another red flag is if a man has a kid(s) and isn’t involved in their life while making excuses why they aren’t or can’t be. It’s their worst failure. If they can’t love their kids right, how are they going to really love you?
13. When They Start With the Immediate Love Bombing
Love bombing is a red flag when someone seems to become infatuated with you quickly and moves the relationship further faster than normal, saying I love you quickly, sharing things about themselves like trauma that you usually learn over time through a trusted relationship, or even just gifting you items or planning things excessively.
Basically, the relationship milestones happen much faster than a normal relationship. “Abusers may do this to get you to commit to them quickly so that you have the love bombing as a personality baseline leading you less likely to leave because “they used to be such a caring person,” but that person never existed.”
14. When They Are Codependent
Codependency is an unhealthy trait that doesn’t work well in relationships. One woman discusses how she dated a man with an unhealthy dependency on her replies to text messages.
Eventually, she told him she wasn’t comfortable in the relationship, and he relentlessly continued messaging her until she had to block him. Finally, he began sending her paid likes through a dating app to flag her attention. Codependency can be overcome in relationships, but this has “Uh uh” all over it and is a major red flag.
15. When They Are Homophobic
Being homophobic is a massive red flag to countless women in the forum. For example, one woman clarifies, “Even if they are ‘small’ ugly comments about gay men, not being directly aimed at women doesn’t mean they’re also not huge red flags for us.
Homophobic men have very restrictive ideas about manhood that get translated into sexism. As a result, sexist partners tend to be abusive. Plus, the most obvious reason: who wants to date such a person?”
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Elizabeth Ervin is the owner of Sober Healing. She is a freelance writer passionate about opioid recovery and has celebrated breaking free since 09-27-2013. She advocates for mental health awareness and encourages others to embrace healing, recovery, and spirituality.