You are your child’s first introduction to the concept and understanding of love, so you must show them love without conditions. How you love your children will influence their relationships later in life. Give them the confidence and reassurance they need by modeling these ways to make your children feel loved.
1. Say “I Love You” Everyday
Explain to your child that nothing they could ever do will stop you from loving them, and reinforce this by adding the phrase, “No matter what,” after your “I love you.” A great way to teach about this truth is by sharing God’s unconditional love, having honest communication, and owning up to sometimes being imperfect and wrong.
2. Apologize When You’re Wrong and Teach Forgiveness
A big part of unconditional love is exercising forgiveness. Show your children you love them by forgiving them when they wrong you and asking for forgiveness when you’re out of line with them. Validate their feelings (and earn their trust) by acknowledging when you’re wrong and apologizing for it.
Get into the practice of saying “I forgive you,” and teach them to say “I forgive you, too.” Words have power; those three words are some of the most powerful.
2. Make Eye Contact
Teach your children to look you in the eye when communicating and show them respect by making eye contact when they speak to you. Making eye contact helps people focus on the conversation and improves understanding while strengthening communication.
3. Listen When They Speak
One of the best ways to make your child feel loved is to pay attention to them when they are speaking. Listen to them. Yes, that includes entertaining their long, distracted stories. Remember to maintain eye contact while they talk to you.
5. Ask Questions
Ask questions when your kids tell you stories to encourage a back-and-forth dialogue and ensure them that you are listening to what they are saying. Ask about how things made them feel or what they thought about it. Ask questions to entertain details when you can.
Be specific with your questions. Instead of the generic “How was your day at school?” Try asking, “What was your favorite part of school today?” Or, “What did you have for lunch?”
This line of questioning forces them to think and respond with more than a dismissal like, “I don’t know” or “Nothing,” which are common responses to the generic school question they get tired of answering daily.
6. Compliment Them With Genuine Praise
Give authentic praise to make your kids feel loved, appreciated, and respected. Be specific in your praising, too. If your child colors you a picture, instead of saying a generic, “Great job,” try, “Wow! Look at how well you stayed in the lines.” If they draw you one, exclaim, “Look at your attention to detail!” Then, start noting the details of the picture.
When you witness your children being selfless (sharing toys) or apologizing when they were wrong, tell them how proud you are of them for being kind and mature enough to demonstrate those behaviors. Verbally acknowledge whenever you see their heart in matters, “I love that God has blessed you with such a good little heart. I’m proud of you.”
7. Celebrate Their Accomplishments
Celebrate your children’s life wins, like rewards, medals, trophies, and diplomas by proudly displaying them. Compliment them with framed photographs memorializing these events.
Always display artwork. Designate an area of the home (fridge, bulletin board) for artwork and explain to your little artists that you can’t keep them all. When they are ready to swap out old art with new art, that lets you know they are alright with your tossing it.
If you’re like me, you have a bin many of them go into to look back on later in life. But we can’t keep everything. Teach them that.
8. Show Up for Their Events
Did your parents attend your school concerts, plays, and other events? Mine didn’t, and I remember the feeling of frantically scanning the audience, but no one was ever there for me. Don’t do that to your kids.
I know you have a job and need to work, but not being there destroys your kids’ confidence. Step away from the daily grind; it’s one of the most critical ways to make your children feel loved. Show up for your kids at youth sports, dance, and other extracurricular classes.
9. Play With Your Kids
Has your kid ever asked you to play with them? Children want your attention at playtime, too. Get down on the floor and encourage healthy play. Watch how they play and interact with their little imaginations, and allow yourself to be pulled into their world. They will love you for it.
10. Embrace Their Passions
Don’t dismiss your children’s passions because you don’t hold the same ones or understand them. Embrace their passions and give them the attention you want when you’re passionate about something and want someone to share it with who matches your energy. Be that friend to them.
That might mean entertaining hours of watching them build on Minecraft while they explain it every step of the way. Or it may look like diving into the world of Pokémon or dancing together at Gracie’s Corner. Embrace it!
Showing your kids that best friend and total attention energy is one of the most remarkable ways to ensure your children feel loved.
11. Create Family Traditions
Create family traditions with your children that you can celebrate annually, even after they’ve grown. Consider creating fun holiday traditions, making favorite recipes, camping, game nights, birthday scavenger hunts, etc. These memories will last you both a lifetime by being the many moments of love you reflect on later in life.
12. Pray With Your Children
Teach your children how to pray by praying with them. Arm them with their best defense against life. This early guidance in their relationship with the Lord can bring them joy and comfort. Remember, prayer is the best gift you can give to your family, friends, neighbors, and even your enemies (Matthew 5:43-48).
Encourage them to lead their prayers. Start by asking them to pray for one person, then two people, and so on, until they naturally say prayers for whoever God puts on their hearts. Teach them to pray specifics. Instead of, “Lord, please protect my family,” say, “Lord, thank you for sending angels to surround my family in your light of protection and love. Keep us safe through the night, and bless us with sweet dreams.”
Branch out from praying for mommy and daddy to praying for teachers, daycare providers, friends at school, coaches, and other people involved in your children’s lives.
Pray for their specific needs. What is going on in their lives? Is there a kid being mean to them at school? Do they have any fears (bugs, the dark)? Are they nervous about a concert or game they have coming up? Direct their prayers to address those things by giving them to God.
13. Show Your Child Physical Affection
Not all kids desire physical affection; some reject it. Knowing your child’s love language is imperative for finding the right ways to make your children feel loved. For those kiddos who desire it, shower them with hugs, kisses, massages, and tickles galore. Hold your babies as much as you can.
14. Stick Up for Them
Let your kiddo know you are on their side by sticking up for them and letting them know you have their back. If you have boundaries for your children, make sure they’re respected.
Suppose your kid doesn’t want to kiss grandma; respect and enforce that boundary. When you see another child hitting yours and their parent does nothing, get involved. Make eye contact with that kid and tell them firmly, “No hitting.”
Put your foot down for your children. You are your kid’s first advocate; model the behavior they need to stand up for themselves.
15. Write Encouraging Notes
One of the sweetest ways to make your kiddos feel loved is by writing encouraging notes, or what I call “little, I love yous.” You can hide little notes in their drawers, pockets, and lunchboxes or even put little Post-its on their mirrors, doors, and walls.
16. Ask for Their Help and Opinions
Get your children involved with what you’re doing by asking them for their opinions about things and for their help. Asking your kids to help teaches them they are worthy, that you trust them, and the humility to know that it’s ok to ask for help, make mistakes, and fail.
17. Say “Thank You”
Acknowledge your kids by saying thank you when they do something you ask of them, go out of their way to be helpful, or for any other time a thank you is warranted. Model that respect for them.
18. Respond With “My Pleasure”
Instead of replying to all of their “thank yous” with “you’re welcome,” switch up the tone and say “my pleasure.” Hearing it was a pleasure to help them tie their shoes, find their bookbag, or whatever else they may be, thanking you for sounds more emphatic, sincere, and polite.
19. Keep Your Word
Don’t make promises you don’t keep. Keeping your word demonstrates responsibility, integrity, and accountability to your children, who will then model those behaviors.
20. Read to Your Child
And let them read stories to you once that time comes. Reading with your children provides bonding moments that also lead to cognitive development, such as decision-making and problem-solving. Ask them questions about the story. Interact with the art in the pictures.
Reading with your kids can give them a sense of intimacy, improve their vocabulary, give them a sense of accomplishment, and boost their self-esteem. It can also help them fall asleep by turning their attention away from ruminating thoughts before bed.
21. Set Goals Together
Show your children how much you love them by setting goals together, learning from mishaps, and celebrating wins. Goal setting helps instill the value of working hard toward a future goal while delaying gratification until achieving it. Teach them young to set goals and work toward them, and they will continue that practice into adulthood and celebrate far more wins in life than people without goals.
22. Put Down Your Phone
Put down your phone! I’ll never forget when my toddler handed me a drawing she made of a cell phone. She wanted me to hold it and pretend text message with her. I was devastated.
Did she feel left out of texting conversations my teen and I had on the couch? Was she feeling wholly ignored because I had my head buried in my phone, answering work demands in Slack? Make a conscious effort to put your phone down and spend time with them. No multitasking. Please give them your full attention.
23. Spend Time With Your Kids
Spend time with your kids creating, exploring, learning, and experiencing life together. It goes by so fast, and you’ll look back one day. Do you want to fondly remember all the trips to the park, scavenger hunts, holiday traditions, and other love-filled moments, or do you want to look back, wondering what you’re missing and regret it?
24. Teach Your Children Fun Things
Be your child’s first and most fun teacher by introducing them to new ideas, things, places, foods, and experiences. Make education fun and spend as much time away from screens. Teach them in nature, the kitchen, the zoo, or the children’s museum.
25. Allow Your Children to Express Themselves
Let your child express themselves. When I was a kid, I had little say in the clothing I wore. So, when I had my first kid, I ensured she could define her style and express herself (within reason). Self-expression is necessary to develop their identity, confidence, and sense of belonging.
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Elizabeth Ervin is the owner of Sober Healing. She is a freelance writer passionate about opioid recovery and has celebrated breaking free since 09-27-2013. She advocates for mental health awareness and encourages others to embrace healing, recovery, and Jesus.