What do you believe is unfairly romanticized about the past? A recent online discussion regarding the question proved interesting and educational. Take a look.
1. The Confederacy
OK. To be fair. Not everyone is romanticizing the confederacy. However, if there is anything 2016 has reinforced upon us, people still do today. It may be difficult to understand if you’re not from the South.
I am from Washington and had culture shock when I hit the South on a road trip and was bombarded with home after home of giant front yard flagpoles proudly flying the confederate flag. It’s one of the most unwelcoming and oppressive feelings I’ve experienced. Second to walking into the Holocaust Museum in Israel, Yad Vashem, and being greeted with giant Nazi flags and display cases of horror.
People who still cling to the myth of the Civil War being a fight for States’ rights without acknowledging the most significant right they wanted to keep was their right to slave ownership are delusional. That flag is hateful and racist. But there legitimately are people out there brainwashed by propaganda designed to make people believe the lie.
2. Old School Parenting
Do you feel like the older generations have romanticized their parenting style? Judging by whiney social media statuses and memes of Minions talking about the “Good old days of whoopings,” I’d say so.
These are the people who spout nonsense translating to the idea that — “Kids today are too soft because they weren’t beaten into submission with belts and fear.” Or, in their words: “I was spanked growing up, and I turned out just fine.”
After all of the trauma, mental illnesses, and hardships many of these people have dealt with as a result, it’s difficult to comprehend why they’ve romanticized their style of “discipline.”
3. Weddings
Weddings have been romanticized for centuries. From fairytales to destination weddings, people spend small and vast fortunes on this one-day-only event.
Media has helped to perpetuate an idea of what a wedding should look and feel like, but they can be very stressful to plan. It makes zero sense to go into debt or allocate tens of thousands of dollars for a party that won’t ever go “according to plan.”
4. Marriage
Similarly, the idea of what a marriage was in the past has been falsely romanticized as a notion of “Until death do us part.” But the reality is women didn’t have the rights they have today.
They weren’t allowed to petition for divorce until The Matrimonial Causes Act 1923, and that was only if they could prove adultery had occurred. And even then, women did have the money or resources to just up and leave.
It wasn’t until 1969 in the United States of America, that women could file for divorce on the merit of simply no longer wanting to be married. Nonetheless, many people have entirely disregarded those facets of truth and choose to believe it was “A happier time.”
5. Life Before Technology
Life without cellphones and the internet is often remembered fondly, but everything was a bigger hassle back then. For example, sitting and waiting by the phone for a call, being unable to phone someone when you’re going to be late, communicating by letter versus email, and having to go to the library to look up anything.
6. Driving Places
Today, you can plug any address into your phone, and it will take you from point A to point B and even route a detour to Starbucks for you. However, back in the day, you had to use a paper map and plan your route ahead of time. And good luck if you take a wrong turn and end up in the middle of nowhere. There was no way of gauging the traffic as reliably as the apps do today.
7. The 1950s America
The 1950s are often remembered as the greatest decade for Americans, but that depended largely on your skin color and gender. We’ve all seen the images of the angry White mobs of children taunting the first Black kids to segregate in schools.
It wasn’t all diners, doo-wop, and milkshakes. Racism and sexism were rampant. As a woman who is part of an interracial family, that has zero appeal to me.
8. Family Life
The Cleavers and the Andersons were an idealized version of ’50s domestic life and not an accurate reflection of the times. The American family image of the high-earning, breadwinning father, sober and happy stay-at-home mother, and perfectly well-behaved children is a fallacy.
9. How Our Grandparents Met
People romanticize how their grandparents met. How Grandpa courted Grandma by “refusing to take no for an answer.” Eventually, she surrendered, and they lived long, happy lives celebrating their golden anniversaries.
Often, Grandpa was considerably older than your Grandma. Nothing about that sits right today. People always say it was a “different time back then.” But as we already discussed, women weren’t as liberated as today.
10. Being Unsupervised Children
Boomers and Gen-X (Me) love to go on and on about being unsupervised latchkey kids who drank out of hoses and didn’t come home until the street lights came on. I lived it. And while I have some fond memories, it was pure hell if you were bullied. Being locked outside until the lights came on was also not as glamorous as people regale it.
11. Vegetable Gardening
Did your grandparents grow vegetable gardens? Mine did; flowers, too. However, not everyone has a green thumb and a desire to get their hands in the dirt with the bugs. Some prefer the luxury of walking into grocery stores and farmers markets for their produce. A garden’s start-up and upkeep costs are also more considerable than back in the “good old days.”
12. Living on the Prairie
Did you romanticize the idea of prairie life after reading or watching Little House on the Prairie? As an adult, the prospect of such living is terrifying. For example, fearing for your daughters’ safety around the railroad camp, home to criminals and drifters who may inflict harm.
You also notice the racism when rewatching the show as an adult. I’ve not revisited the books. But the lifestyle is not as glorious as I once remembered.
13. Horses vs. Cars
The idea that horses were greater than having personal vehicles is laughable. Can you imagine wading through a foot of manure every time you got off your horse? The stench would be unbearable, and weather conditions would worsen the situation. I’m from the rainy state of Washington. So I’d be wading in manure mud.
14. Writing Romantic Letters
I’ve always romanticized sending love letters back and forth through the mail in some long-distance love affair or soldier-off-at-war situation. The media has undoubtedly influenced that.
However, can you imagine pouring your heart out, spraying the letter with your favorite perfume, and never hearing back? Long-distance ghosting? No, thank you. The fear of not knowing if they are alive or dead is also not as glamorous a picture as Hollywood paints it.
15. Classic Rock Stars
Do you know how many classic ’70s and ’80s rock stars did unspeakable things with underage girls? It’s repulsive when you think about it. These rockers accused of being predators include (but are not limited to) Mick Jagger, Steven Tyler, Jerry Lee Lewis, David Bowie, Ted Nugent, Iggy Pop, and Elvis Presley. Still, they are regarded as the best of them, and their music is revered.
These types of offenses aren’t exclusive to rock stars. Several famous people have done unconscionable things and never suffered any real consequences from them.
16. The Victorian Era
The Victorian era of the 1800s is highly romanticized by many. But as an online forum member writes about the period: “High society and gowns can only take you so far in a densely populated London paired with poor technology. And the disease.” Yeah. That doesn’t sound too appealing.
17. Being a Stay-at-Home Wife and Mother
Being a stay-at-home wife and mother wasn’t as great as people remember back in the day. Again, it was a different time for women. Many of whom felt trapped or stuck. The idea of not having the independence and freedom of a job and the money accompanying it is scary.
This is not to say that there aren’t women who genuinely want the role and love being in it, but it’s become a choice rather than “just the way things are.” I love being home, but I know others wouldn’t.
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Elizabeth Ervin is the owner of Sober Healing. She is a freelance writer passionate about opioid recovery and has celebrated breaking free since 09-27-2013. She advocates for mental health awareness and encourages others to embrace healing, recovery, and Jesus.