A male online forum recently discussed things that men go through that women will never understand. Truthfully, I found the answers interesting, honest, and sad. Here is what MEN had to say.
1. Being Judged With Your Own Children
Many men discuss how they are treated around children in parks or schools. One clarifies, “If I’m too amiable with or around children, folks will assume I’m some kind of creep.” Another adds, “But if you act like you hate kids or are not too friendly, it will look bad on a man too. Men can’t win with children.”
2. Finding Out Later Your Kids Are Not Yours
One struggle that women will never understand is the reality of discovering years later that your children are not your own. Infidelity in marriage creates children that some women never are honest with their husbands about.
3. The Societal Pressure to Lead and Provide
Another struggle the men in this forum insist that women will never know or understand is the constant societal pressure to lead and provide. One notes that not all men are born as natural born leaders. Some need to be guided in the way women are expected to be.
4. The Court Bias With Children
There’s no contesting that, depending on where you live, states favor the mother for custody over the father. These men mention the difficulty in accepting the reality, accompanied by child support.
5. The Accepted Body Shaming
“Well, the fact that men can be mocked for their height or baldness or any other aspect of their body, and nobody really cares. You can mock a man for things he can’t change, but you can’t mock a woman for things she can. There is no body positivity movement for men.”
6. Being Drafted
I’m uncertain if this man is American. However, he suggests, “If your country has vague national interests abroad, the general public will round up young men and ship them off to some foreign jungle or desert.
Sure, they’ll make noises about ‘your honorable sacrifice,’ then give your family a gold star sticker and move on with their lives.” This is not to say women don’t go to war, but they’ve never been drafted in America.
7. Automatically Being Back of the Line
“If a ship is sinking beneath your feet, you will be pushed to the back of the line to board the lifeboats,” one claims. “The farcical lie that it’s about “caregivers and children” is stripped bare when you realize that they’ll board the 97-year-old woman first and watch the 32-year-old father of three drown as they click their tongues and shake their heads at the tragedy.”
8. Expected to Be the Breadwinner
“If you lose your job, there will be social pressure on your family to leave you for better pastures. Your value to them extends only so far as your paycheck and ability to provide, and in-laws will quickly view you as a disposable liability if you fail to continue providing.” I don’t know about this one.
“Another one, your worth as a person is directly correlated to how much money you earn. As a man, the majority of people will treat you worse than dirt if they know you are poor or unemployed. Your net worth is your worth as a person, and there are absolutely no freebies.”
9. Refugee Displacement
“If you’re displaced due to calamity in your home country, your neighbors will turn you back at the border as they allow the women and children through into the refugee camps,” says one. “At the end of a loaded assault rifle, they’ll wish you luck heading back into the disaster and let you know that the Red Cross will be there soon. Hopefully.”
10. Access to Limited Aid
Another man shares, “If you end up homeless, fleeing abuse, or facing any number of other personal disasters, the aid available to you is extremely limited. You can’t access any of the more well-funded women’s shelters, you won’t qualify for most grants or aid, and you’ll likely be separated from your kids or pets if you have any.
People experiencing homelessness are forgotten more than most, even before gender is considered. Still, when you look at how the genders are treated differently, even at the homeless level, it becomes clear how the status of being disposable filters down to the very roots of society.”
11. Holding Onto Compliments
Did you know men don’t receive compliments like women do? One explains, “Most men got a single compliment, like, five years ago, that we treasure to this day. A girl in a shop told me I had nice eyes a decade ago, and I’ll carry that memory around with me for the rest of my life,” confirms another.
12. Lack of Compassion for Mental Health Struggles
Several men agree with the statement, “There is no compassion for men who struggle with life.” A woman shares, “I have a husband with CPTSD. He has some trauma just from trying to tell those around him that he was traumatized. It makes me sick thinking about what people have said and done to him.”
A third commenter says, “I knew a guy, a Marine Corps veteran with PTSD from Iraq. He started college after he came home but ultimately dropped out because the other students would drop their books around him all the time just so they could get a cheap laugh out of his reaction to the sudden bang. He had to quit school because he couldn’t handle the constant triggers and was afraid he’d hurt someone in his panic.” This one makes me so sad.
13. The Intensity of Judging and Matching Handshakes
On a much lighter note, many men agree with one who explains, “Calculating at light speed the exact force needed in order to squeeze another dude’s hand just right when doing handshakes. Whenever I shake a female’s hand, and they don’t squeeze it, it feels wrong, like grabbing a wet noodle. So unsatisfying.”
14. The Expected Automatic Man Strength
“We’re expected to be strong enough to handle whatever life throws at us,” suggests one. “But yet also, at the same time, we are supposed to be open and vulnerable enough to talk about emotions and feelings.”
15. The Emotional Loneliness
An unfortunate number of men agree with one who confesses, “I’m so alone. I’m alone with my pain. I’m alone with my fears. I’m alone with my uncertainty. I’m alone with my dreams. I’m alone with my happiness. I’m alone with my problems. I’m alone with their problems.
I’m alone against life. In a room filled with loved ones, I’m alone. The only things I’m not alone with are my successes and my finances. There’s always someone trying to take part in that.”
“One thing that trans men have spoken about is the one thing they didn’t expect when transitioning is the emotional loneliness… as a woman, they could be in a bathroom having a breakdown, and people would be there for her. As a man, they’re not.”
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Source: Reddit.
Elizabeth Ervin is the owner of Sober Healing. She is a freelance writer passionate about opioid recovery and has celebrated breaking free since 09-27-2013. She advocates for mental health awareness and encourages others to embrace healing, recovery, and Jesus.