As a woman, I know there are plenty of evident double standards women endure. However, a recent online discussion in a popular men’s forum highlighted many double standards men have encountered. Here are what they confessed to.
1. Not in the Mood
Many men agree with the double standard about saying no to adult relations. When women suggest they are not in the mood or have a headache, men are supposed to respect it.
However, when some express the same sentiment to women, they receive hostility and accusations in return. For example, one man claims, “I once had a random woman slap me in the back of the head and call me gay for turning her down.”
2. Taking Initiative
Do you feel like men are the ones who should initiate all of the things? Numerous men admit they are “Required to do all the work to make things interesting.” For example, one elaborates that it’s on them to plan fun things if a relationship gets stale; otherwise, it’s his fault she is bored. “Dead bedroom? I have to figure out how to spice things up.”
3. Sexual Harassment
Sexual harassment in the workplace is largely believed to be a man’s offense, but women can be just as guilty. Several forum members sympathize with one who is “Sexually harassed at the hospital by staff and patients.”
He explains that nurses have said inappropriate things about his fit physique in his scrubs, including his manhood. Furthermore, nurses and patients have physically groped him. “If I did this, I’d lose my job or worse.”
4. Friends of the Opposite Sex
Do you believe that men and women can be platonic friends? Many people don’t. But what about the double standard? Lots of men admit that they have dated women who refused to allow them to have women friends or follow them on social media, but they were allowed to have male friends and follow men on social media.
5. Celebrity Crushes
What would you do if your partner openly gushed over a celebrity? Countless individuals in the thread note that men aren’t allowed to discuss the “Hotness” of famous women. But women are allowed to talk about how sexy they find celebrity men, including posting or commenting about it on social media.
A user elaborates, “It’s so frustrating how unaware they are about how it can be hurtful when they do it, yet get so upset about it if you do. If you try to talk about how it made you feel, all of a sudden, you are insecure or controlling.”
6. Parenting in Public
A well-known double standard is where women can happily parade anywhere they want with their children, while men are questioned for being at places like public parks and pools.
An unfortunate number of fathers confess they have had women make accusatory statements or ask inappropriate questions while they were in public places with their kids. Too many women flag them immediately as predators instead of the good fathers they are being.
7. Waivers for Equality
Numerous men agree with one who states, “Watching women fail physical standards for civil service jobs like Police and Fire Department is waivered. This practice endangers the public and gets swept under the rug because of ‘diversity.'”
The military is also brought up with many concerns “That they do not understand this are people who, if war brakes out, will depend on them with your life and if there to slow or too weak then people die.”
8. Body Shaming
Another double standard that runs rampant is body shaming. You can not call women fat or say anything negative about their physical attributes. One clarifies, “Say anything about a woman’s body, and boom, automatic misogynist.” However, women continuously shame men for weight, baldness, height, and manhood size.
A second user points out, “When men have the GALL to be self-conscious about these things, as a result, they’re gaslighted and told that it’s all in their heads, and nobody actually cares.”
9. Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA)
As a survivor of CSA, this one is painfully disgusting, and I’m sorry for any man that has shared the experience. A man confesses that a female babysitter molested him as a kid.
“I told two male therapists, and they told me to stop complaining, which was basically the reaction from most other people. Like no one bats an eye, I’ve even been asked before, ‘How was it?!'” Oh, that breaks my heart. It’s repeatedly demonstrated by how we react when a woman teacher assaults a male student vs. when girl students are assaulted by male teachers.
Do you agree with this assertion? Someone suggests that when men change, they are automatic “Dogs” and the scum of the Earth. But typically, when a woman cheats, “It’s always because she had a ‘good’ reason.” A second man elaborates:” ‘What did he do?’ The guy’s integrity is always questioned, even if it’s something that happened to him.”
11. Toxic Masculinity
Numerous men support one who says, “The idea that there is toxic masculinity while denying toxic femininity exists. The reason it’s a double standard is because people, in general, can be toxic, and it’s not specifically one gender that has that issue or ability, yet the people that openly say it don’t see that they’re actually toxic people themselves.
You can tell because toxic people usually tend to have narcissistic traits, and the one highlighted the most, in this case, is deflecting responsibility and accountability for their own toxicity on anyone and anything to avoid being at fault.”
12. Gender Stereotypes
There is a double standard where men are still being pressured to meet gender stereotypes and split household responsibilities. At the same time, women are characterized as strong for going against those stereotypes.
13. Men’s Issues
Do you find that discussing men’s issues is often considered an attack on women? Many men note that discussing men’s issues is always misinterpreted as ignoring women’s issues. “Every time I try to bring up something men face, it’s always: well, women face higher rates of sexual assault. It’s not a suffering competition.”
14. Physical Assault
Multiple men share stories of growing up with sisters and double standards on physical assault. “Growing up with a sister is like “‘Don’t hit girls no matter what. I don’t care how much she provoked you. You’re not allowed to defend yourself!”‘ While at the same time, ‘Oh, she stabbed you again? Well, you must have provoked her. You’re grounded!'”
I’d add that men are less likely to be believed about domestic violence. And often, when they speak up, they are ridiculed and called names insinuating they are less than men.
15. Spouse Talk
I have been around women like this and never thought it funny: “How some wives talk about their husbands. ‘Oh, he’s still in training on how to cook, clean, and make sure the house is repaired.’ Imagine if you told people you’re training your wife to do all those things, you would be called a misogynist or an abuser.” This behavior is dismissed as a joke, but it wouldn’t be laughed at if a man were saying those things about their wife — double standard!
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Elizabeth Ervin is the owner of Sober Healing. She is a freelance writer passionate about opioid recovery and has celebrated breaking free since 09-27-2013. She advocates for mental health awareness and encourages others to embrace healing, recovery, and spirituality.